Helpless No More

I remember walking into Buffalo Wild Wings that December night in 2007. My husband and I ready to start another Friday night of fun with friends, karaoke, wings, and a drink or too. I noticed our normal waitress wasn't her bubbly, upbeat self as she came to our table with the news, Abby, a waitress at the popular sports bar was gone. Not only was she a waitress there, but she was a friend and a light hearted spirit that sang "Don't Stop Believe'n" every Friday night before the bar closed at 2:00 in the morning. 

Abigail (Abby) Robertson

Liz, our friend and waitress, told us what happened. She was murdered by her ex-boyfriend. He stabbed her 27 times and shot her four times in the head and arm. He had been stalking her for some time, did thousands of dollars damage to her car, and even told a friend of his his plans to kill her, but no one stopped him. The ex-boyfriend, Marcus Hightower, was sentenced to life in prison without bail. Abby's parents created a website to honor their daughter's life: http://www.abbysvoice.com/home.html. 

I believe violence is a form of communication. In Abby's case her ex was communicating, "If I can't have you no one will." Violence is about power, establishing it, keeping it, or gaining it back. He was angry, jealous, and obsessed. This topic is a very touchy subject for me because I was abused - not by a partner, but by my friends growing up. The type of abuse i endured would fall under Intimate Partner Violence. They used physical, mental, emotional, and verbal power to keep me "in my place" for 10 years, but I am proud to say I have overcome those horrors and am a new woman today.


Intimate Partner Violence (IPV) is the most common form of gender violence and it is often the hardest to get out of. A dear friend of mine is having a hard time with her husband right now. She told me he said, "You can't leave me! Where would you go? NOWHERE!" That's the number one excuse I've heard, "I have nowhere to go." Another aspect of IPV is to have economic power. I looked at her with serious eyes and told her, "You come to my house. He can't use that against you anymore. You have a place to go." Since then we have come up with a plan. She's going to get a bus pass so he can't take away transportation, and has secured a job so she has income to keep herself going. One thing I have found is if you take the abuser's power away they become just as powerless as the abused, and thanks to the memories of people like Abby the helpless are no longer. They are informed, they have choices, and they are given a support group. They now have a hope they never thought possible.