There are huge differences in how men and women communicate, but the most known differences are those that are exaggerated. On worldoffemale.com there is an article entitled When Your Girlfriend Talks, What Is She Really Saying? and this comic article explores what men think women are truly saying. "When she says: I think I need some space...Translation: Stop bothering me loser!" (KBP,worldoffemale.com, 2011). Following the translation is a kernel of knowledge entitled Remedy and this implies what the man can do to make his woman happy again, "To fix this situation, figure out what you are doing that's annoying her and try to stop. Or even better, if you wish to maintain a relationship with any women for longer than a week, stop playing World of Warcraft and watching anime. That usually works best" (KBP, worldoffemale.com, 2011). The translations continue: "She says: I am not looking for a relationship right now...Translation: I am not looking for a relationship with you!, She says: I think we need a break...Translation: I want to see if there are any better guys on the market!, She says: Where is this relationship going?...Translation: This relationship has no future. Make a move or I am gone!, She says: I think we should be just friends...Translation: You are not boyfriend material or I met someone better than you, but I don’t want to hurt your feelings" (KBP, worldoffemale.com, 2011). Have men really figured out what women are saying? And if they have figured out what we're saying then do they know what women want? Obviously because they have solutions to the things women say. However, Sigmund Freud once said, "Despite my thirty years of research onto the feminine soul, I have not yet been able to answer the great question that have never been answered: What does a woman want?" Well being a woman myself, there are times I don't even know what I'm saying nor what I want, but because of websites like these, it's so good to know that there are men out there that get me.
Women are just as guilty as men are at trying to translate what the other gender is saying like men are a new species. Women have a tendency to buy into the "Women are from Venus and Men are from Mars" thing a little too much. Our magazines are full with tips on how to get a good man, how to get rid of a bad man, and how to turn a bad man into a good man. And we're constantly trying to figure out what our men are thinking. Jeff Foxworthy once stated, "I'm here to tell you what we're really thinking...we're thinking: I'd like a beer and I'd like to see something naked. I wish it was deeper than that, but it's not! I'd like a beer and I'd like to see something naked."
Why do men and women think the other is so different? Because that's how we're raised, that's what society teaches us. Men and women are different in every way including how we communicate. Women use their communication to connect on a deeper level and "maintain relationships with others" (Wood, 2009, p. 128). Men's communication is used to "accomplish concrete goals, exert control, preserve independence, entertain and enhance status" (p. 130). Just looking at the goals behind why men and women communicate is polar opposite. Men want control and women want meaningful relationships. Women are more likely to bond by talking where men bond more by doing (Wood, 2009). Men don't sit and talk about their problems like women do. Studies show that men prefer to watch a sports game, bowl, or play video games to get their emotions out (2009). Women love to talk! There is a lot of data out there, but on average women say 7,000 words per day where as men use around 2,000 (corsinet.com, 2011). If those numbers don't suggest there are communicative differences between genders then I don't know what else would.
From personal experiences with my husband the differences are much easier than all the scholars and scientists make it out to be. Men try to fix their emotions and they try to fix our emotions too. For example when I'm upset and I want to talk about it, my husband can't just talk he has to ask, "What do you want me to do?" He is expecting to get out his tool belt and slap some duct tape on my problems, but all I want to do it talk...which is what women want. We don't want our problems solved or fixed, we just want to talk, we want to get out our emotions, and we just want to be listened too. I've had to tell Jeff on a few occasions, "I don't want you to DO anything I just want you to listen." I've even talked to my best friend Elyce and her husband Porter and they say the same thing. Porter is an engineer and looks at everything like an equation to be solved, Jeff works on motorcycles and sees my problems as something that just needs new spark plugs.
Men-Talk and Women-Talk are common terms for how women and men talk, but in reality we have the same wants and the same goals, but we just go about getting it in different ways. "Through female glasses, male behavior looks a certain way, [and visa versa] and sometimes what seems wrong may be simply different. Men [and women] often need far more understanding than fixing" (marriagemissions.com, 2011).
From personal experiences with my husband the differences are much easier than all the scholars and scientists make it out to be. Men try to fix their emotions and they try to fix our emotions too. For example when I'm upset and I want to talk about it, my husband can't just talk he has to ask, "What do you want me to do?" He is expecting to get out his tool belt and slap some duct tape on my problems, but all I want to do it talk...which is what women want. We don't want our problems solved or fixed, we just want to talk, we want to get out our emotions, and we just want to be listened too. I've had to tell Jeff on a few occasions, "I don't want you to DO anything I just want you to listen." I've even talked to my best friend Elyce and her husband Porter and they say the same thing. Porter is an engineer and looks at everything like an equation to be solved, Jeff works on motorcycles and sees my problems as something that just needs new spark plugs.
Men-Talk and Women-Talk are common terms for how women and men talk, but in reality we have the same wants and the same goals, but we just go about getting it in different ways. "Through female glasses, male behavior looks a certain way, [and visa versa] and sometimes what seems wrong may be simply different. Men [and women] often need far more understanding than fixing" (marriagemissions.com, 2011).
corsinet - wasting time on the internet since 1990!. (n.d.). corsinet - wasting time on the internet since 1990!. Retrieved April 23, 2011, from http://corsinet.com
KBP. (n.d.). When Your Girlfriend Talks, What Is She Really Saying?. Women Magazine - Healthy Recipes | Health, Lifestyle and Beauty Tips. Retrieved April 23, 2011, from http://www.worldoffemale.com/when-your-girlfriend-talks-what-is-she-really-saying/
Quotes on “Gender Differences” | Marriage Missions International. (n.d.). A Christian Marriage Website | Marriage Missions International. Retrieved April 23, 2011, from http://www.marriagemissions.com/quotes-on-gender-differences/
Wood, J. (2009). Gendered Verbal Communication. Gendered lives: communication, gender, and culture (8. ed., pp. 117-137). Belmont, Calif.: Wadsworth.
